Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
