Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
