I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
