the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
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