You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
