sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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