I'm so fucking centered right now
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
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