all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
