Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
