I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
