dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
