So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
