its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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