Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
It's Friday. Sex?
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
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I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
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My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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