I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
