I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
