So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
