a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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