VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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