Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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