David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Randomize
