My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
