i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
