Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
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