I think my vagina is haunted
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
