So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Randomize
