It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
did you just send me my own nude
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
