And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
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