i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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