i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
