She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
