So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
