Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
i think my mom watched the whole time
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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