oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Just puked most of my soul out..
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
