what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize
