Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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