Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
