I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
