In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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