We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
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