ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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