If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Randomize
