She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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