i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
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