chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
