i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Randomize
