Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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