Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
