i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Randomize
