I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
3pm strippers are depressing
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Randomize
