Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
