No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
