I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
