you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
My ATM looks so different sober.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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