woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
