If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
