I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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