in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
So much rum. So many feels.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
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