So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
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