Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
You're a waste of cheezeits
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
