Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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