I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
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I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
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Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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