Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
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Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
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