she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Randomize
