its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
