did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
