tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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