We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I'm passing your future prison.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Randomize
