break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
