brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
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