All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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