before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
