Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
