The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Randomize
