On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize